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It is not an exaggeration to say that mothers more than fathers
tend to plant the seeds for their children’s mental health.
Mothers tend to focus more than fathers on comforting, soothing
and reassuring the child. When frightened or otherwise in need of
comforting, the young child will nearly always turn first to the
mother.
Mothers also typically spend more time with the child, especially
in the infant and toddler years, feeding, bathing, grooming and
otherwise providing for the child’s basic care. These care-taking
routines are vital to the child developing a sense of trust and
security.
The most fundamental emotional need of a child is to feel secure.
In the degree that this need is met… the child can expect
to grow up feeling whole. When this need is not met, the child is
at risk to suffer from life-long anxiety problems. Sadly, this is
an understatement. The rapid pace of change and the deterioration
of "community" in the modern world have made all of us
vulnerable to anxiety problems. The principal ailment of modern
society IS anxiety. In brief, those emotional needs to which mothers
are attuned, have become even more vital.
It is unfortunate that so many parents – – do not appreciate what the other
parent has to offer the child. Mothers focus more on meeting the
child’s emotional needs. Fathers focus more on expectations
for the child’s behavior. The child needs both! Obviously,
the child has a better chance with two parents who are actively
supportive and involved.
Coley, Rebekah. (1998) Children’s socialization experiences
and functioning in single-mother households: the importance of fathers
and other men. Child Development. 69(1):219-230.
McLanahan, Sara, and Julien Teitler. (1999) The consequences of
father absence. In Michael Lamb (ed.) et al., Parenting and
child development in "nontraditional" families. Mahwah,
NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc.
Salem, Deborah, and M. Zimmerman, and P. Notaro. (1998) Effects
of family structure, family process, and father involvement on psychosocial
outcomes among African American adolescents. Family Relations.
47(4):331-341.
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